Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies? #Joke

Looking for a laugh of two? Below, we have today's posting of the top 10m best jokes that we found online!

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Here is today' collection of the top ten favorite jokes of the day!


1. Little Brian,"The principal is so dumb!"
   Girl, "Do you know who I am?"
   Little Brian, "No..."
   Girl, "I am the principal's daughter!"
   Little Brian, "Do you know who I am?"
   Girl,"No..."
   Little Brian, "Good!" and walks away*


2. Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently, security doesn't appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.



3. Q: Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
   A: The scientists were brainstorming!



4. Q: Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?
   A: Neither, they both weigh a ton!



5. On wall in ladies room "My husband follows me everywhere..."
   Written just below it "I do not".



6. When I asked my girlfriend what she wanted for her birthday.
   She said "Just gimme something with diamonds."
   That's why I got her a pack of cards.


7. Q: What did the painter say to the wall?
   A: One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!



8. Q: What kind of key opens a banana?
   A monkey!



9. "Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud." "Yes sir, it's fresh ground."



10. Q: Why is Basketball such a messy sport?
    A: Because you dribble on the floor!
    
    
    
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Q: What do you call a three-footed aardvark? A: a yardvark! #joke

Do you need a little laugh, maybe a stupid joke to make your challenging day seem less stressful? Well, below we have listed todays' short jokes!

1. A lady was on trial for beating her husband to death with his own guitars.
   "First offender" the judge inquired?
   "No" she replied, "First the Gibson, THEN the Fender"


2. Little Brian, "Should I get into trouble for something I didn't do"?
   Teacher, "No."
   Little Brian, "Good, because I didn't do my homework."


3. Q: What do you call a three-footed aardvark?
   A: a yardvark!


4. Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant?
   A: Swimming trunks.


5. Q: What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth?
   A: A Gummy Bear


6. Q. Did you hear about the blind man who went bungee jumping?
   A. He loved it, but it scared the hell out of his seeing eye dog.


7. Q: What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise?
   A: LMAYO


8. Q: "How do you shoot a killer bee?"
   A: "With a bee bee gun."


9. Q: What kind of jokes do you make in the shower?
   A: Clean Jokes!


10. Q: What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
    A: "Where’s Popcorn?"

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Q: What do you call sad coffee?" A: Despresso. #Jokes

Here is today's top ten best short jokes, okay, some may be stupid, I guess the depends of your "pain tolerance for humor"? Did the make sense?

1. Q: What do you call sad coffee?"
   A: Despresso.


2. Q: Why are frogs so happy?
   A: They eat whatever bugs them


3. Q: How do you make an Octopus laugh?
   A: With ten-tickles


4. Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
   A. Milk and quackers!


5. Q: What did the leopard say after eating his owner?
   Man, that hit the "spot."


6. Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
   A: A bulldozer!


7. Q: Why do fish live in salt water?
   A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!


8. Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
   A: Frostbite.


9. Q: What is the best day to go to the beach?
   A: Sunday, of course!


10. Q: What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
    A: Spring time.

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Best Short Jokes 11

Looking for a laugh or two? Well, then here is my collection of ten of the today's best short jokes. Don't be shy to share your favorite short joke in the comment section

1. Q: What's Forrest Gump’s password?
   A: 1forrest1


2. In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples,"Only take one. God is watching."
   Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."


3. Q: "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?"
   A: "You can't tuna fish."


4. Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
   A: The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!


5. Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
   A: Spoiled milk.


6. A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."


7. Q: Why did the belt get arrested?
   A: He held up a pair of pants.


8. Q: What did the spider do on the computer?
   A: Made a website!


9. Q: What do you call a fat psychic?
   A: A four chin teller.


10. Q: Did you hear the joke about the germ?
    Never mind. I don't want to spread it around

Short Joke

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Best Short Jokes 10

More short jokes for you to enjoy, okay maybe get a laugh or two from them!

1. Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
   Student: "Eggs!"
   Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
   Student: "Bacon!"
   Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
   Student: "Homework!"


2. Q: What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
   A: Fingernails.


3. It was the first day of school. Harry's mother went into his bedroom and said, "Come on Harry, get up now. You have to go to school today."
   
   "But I don't want to go to school," replied Harry, "I want to stay in bed. Why do I have to go to school"?
   
   "Because," answered his mother, "you're a teacher!"


4. Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
   A: They take the psycho path.


5. Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
   A: He wanted cold hard cash!


6. Q: Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
   A: Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels (bay gulls)!


7. Q: What did Delaware?
   A: A New Jersey


8. Q. Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
   A. Because they taste funny.


9. Q: Who do fish always know how much they weigh?
   A: Because they have their own scales.


First day at school

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Best Short Jokes 8

Welcome to today's best short jokes of the day. These jokes are not only short and funny but are safe for kids.


Iron Chef

1. Q: What gets wetter the more it dries?
   A: A towel.


2. Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor?
   A: Because it had a virus!


3. Q: Why did the insomniac man get arrested?
   A: He resisted a rest


4. Q: What do you call a man with no body and just a nose?
   A: Nobody nose.


5. Q: Can February March?
   A: No. But April May.


6. Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
   A: Lawsuits!


7. Q: Why did the picture go to jail?
   A: Because it was framed.


8. Q: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
   A: Ouch


9. Q: Why are the Iron Chefs chefs so mean?
   A: Because they beat eggs and whip cream.


10. Q: What kind of button won't unbutton?
    A: A bellybutton!


Hope you enjoy the above jokes! Thanks for dropping by!

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Best Short Jokes 8

The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.

My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.

What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married? Feyoncé.

You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart.

There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.

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Best Short Jokes 2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7


What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married? Feyoncé.

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Best Short Jokes 7

You want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it’s pretty cheesy.

Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.

Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

How do you make Holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

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Best Short Jokes 1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6


How do you make Holy water? Boil the hell out of it

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Best Short Jokes 4

Did you hear about the song that I wrote about a tortilla? (For answer, read below)
Or do you know what kinda of shoes that ninjas wear? (See below)
Did I get your attention? Do you know the answers (without peeking?) Well then below you will find the humorous answers to those question and there more short jokes that I believe will make you laugh!
Enjoy!

1. What kind of shoes does a ninjas wear? Sneakers.


2. Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo’ drizzle.


3. I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.


4. PMS should just be called ovary-acting.


5. Marketing companies should use chromosomes in advertisements because sex cells.

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What kind of shoes does a ninjas wear? Sneakers

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Best Short Jokes 3

To continue with my previous best short jokes postings that I found online. Here are five more funny short jokes that hopefully will make you laugh!
If you know of a short funny joke, please leave it in the comments, and I just might add it to my next posting and credit you! Enjoy

1. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut.


2. So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.


3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.


4. Just went to an emotional wedding.
   Even the cake was in tiers.


5. When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.



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Just went to an emotional wedding.Even the cake was in tiers.

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Today's Best Blonde Jokes - 1

Here is today's collection of the five best, funny, short and yet dumb blonde jokes! Enjoy, maybe share your favorite short (not height wise) blonde joke in the comment section of the blog. Even share them on Facebook or Twitter!

1. Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?
   A: And I thought blondes were dumb!



2. A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.
   
   She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks.
   
   Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping and her and asking if someone else could have a go.
   
   The blonde spins around and shouts in her face: “Can’t you see I’m winning?”



3. A blonde called the local city council asking them to remove the deer crossing sign near her home since many deer were being hit and killed there.
   
   Her reason? She didn’t want the deer to cross there anymore!



4. A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!”
   
   Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!” Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!”
   Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sits the picture in the middle and the table erupts.
   
   Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!” The bartender can’t contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child’s puzzle of the Cookie Monster.
   
   When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, “What’s all the chanting and celebration about?”
   
   The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, “Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!”



5. The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company.
   
   He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked,
   
   “If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?”
   
   The blonde quickly responded, “The living one.”

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Today's Best Blonde Joke

Shiftless people don't get into high gear.

Inflation Short Joke



Shiftless people don't get into high gear. is my saying for today (October 21st)!

Quote of the day: "If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead." by Erma Bombeck

Word of the day: magniloquent - adjective: boastfully pompous

October 21st is the 294th day of the year (295th in a leap year) and there are 70 days left until the end of the year.

If today is your Birthday, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

If you would like your birthday or a family member, Or even a friends birthday included in my "Birthday List", just leave a comment with all the pertinent information like Name, Nickname, occupation and date of birth!

My niche of the Day is Sheep Jokes!

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