Best Short Jokes 9

1. A police officer sees a blonde woman driving and knitting at the same time. Exasperated, he drives up next to her and screams out the window, "Pull over!" The blonde responds, "No Silly, it's a scarf."


2. I know some jokes about unemployment but they need some work.


3. Q: What did the alien say to the garden?
   A: Take me to your weeder.


4. Q: Did you hear about that new broom?
   A: It's sweeping the nation!


5. Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?"
   Brunette: "I don’t know."
   Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"
   



Short Blonde Joke

6. A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I’m a six foot tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is six foot two, weighs 225, and he’s a rugby player. The fella to your right is six foot five, pushing 300, and he’s a wrestler. Each one of us is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
   The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times."


7. Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof?
   A: Never mind, it's over your head!


8. Q: What do you call a bee that lives in America?
   USB


9. Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
   A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.


10. A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it.
    A genie popped out and granted them each one wish.
    The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home.
    The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family.
    The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

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Best Short Jokes 8

Welcome to today's best short jokes of the day. These jokes are not only short and funny but are safe for kids.


Iron Chef

1. Q: What gets wetter the more it dries?
   A: A towel.


2. Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor?
   A: Because it had a virus!


3. Q: Why did the insomniac man get arrested?
   A: He resisted a rest


4. Q: What do you call a man with no body and just a nose?
   A: Nobody nose.


5. Q: Can February March?
   A: No. But April May.


6. Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
   A: Lawsuits!


7. Q: Why did the picture go to jail?
   A: Because it was framed.


8. Q: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
   A: Ouch


9. Q: Why are the Iron Chefs chefs so mean?
   A: Because they beat eggs and whip cream.


10. Q: What kind of button won't unbutton?
    A: A bellybutton!


Hope you enjoy the above jokes! Thanks for dropping by!

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Today's Best Puns 13

Here are my favorite puns of the day.

1. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.


2. The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands.


3. How do you organize a space party? You Planet.


4. It is tough to do inventories in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.


5. For a while, Houdini used a lot of trap doors in his act, but he was just going through a stage.

Best Puns

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Today's Ten Best Short Jokes 2

Short Joke and Long Joke

1. Q: Did you hear about the hungry clock?
   A: It went back four seconds.


2. There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.


3. Q: What do sea monsters eat?
   A: Fish and ships


4. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.


5. Q: How do you make holy water?
   A: Boil the hell out of it!


6. Q: How do you organize a space party?
   A: You planet!


7. "Dyslexic man walks into a bra"


8. Want to hear two short jokes and a long joke?
   Joke. Joke. Joooooooooooooooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkeeeeeeeeeeeee.


9. Hotel Manager: The room is $15.00 a night. But if you make your own bed, it is only $5.00.
   Guest: I'll make my own bed.
   Hotel Manager: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood.


10. Husband says; "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
    Wife replied; "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"

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Today's 10 Short Jokes

Ever have one of those days, when you need a laugh or two? Well, I am having one of those days. So in order to cheer myself up, (laughter always did the trick for me) and one of the main advantages of having your own blog, you can do a posting especially one like today's and later on when you are feeling down, you can always go back and reread a humorous posting that you did previously!
So on that note, here are my picks for the ten best short jokes of the day!

1. Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.


2. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."


3. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."


4. "When I die, I want my tombstone to be a WiFi hotspot. That way people will visit more often."


5. Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
   A: An Investigator


6. My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.


7. A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "Is this some kind of joke?"


8. Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away?
   A: A taxi driver.


9. "My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that."


10. A blonde walks into a doctor's office with both her ears burnt!
    
    The doctor asked, "What happened?"
    
    She says, "Well, when I was ironing my worksuit, then the phone rang and I mistakenly picked up the iron instead of the phone.
    
    "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to the other one?"
    
    "Bastard, called again!" was the blondes answer.

Blonde Joke



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Best Short Jokes 7

You want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it’s pretty cheesy.

Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.

Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

How do you make Holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

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For More Best Short Jokes
Best Short Jokes 1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6


How do you make Holy water? Boil the hell out of it

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Best Short Jokes 3

To continue with my previous best short jokes postings that I found online. Here are five more funny short jokes that hopefully will make you laugh!
If you know of a short funny joke, please leave it in the comments, and I just might add it to my next posting and credit you! Enjoy

1. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut.


2. So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.


3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.


4. Just went to an emotional wedding.
   Even the cake was in tiers.


5. When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.



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Just went to an emotional wedding.Even the cake was in tiers.

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