Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies? #Joke

Looking for a laugh of two? Below, we have today's posting of the top 10m best jokes that we found online!

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Here is today' collection of the top ten favorite jokes of the day!


1. Little Brian,"The principal is so dumb!"
   Girl, "Do you know who I am?"
   Little Brian, "No..."
   Girl, "I am the principal's daughter!"
   Little Brian, "Do you know who I am?"
   Girl,"No..."
   Little Brian, "Good!" and walks away*


2. Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently, security doesn't appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.



3. Q: Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
   A: The scientists were brainstorming!



4. Q: Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?
   A: Neither, they both weigh a ton!



5. On wall in ladies room "My husband follows me everywhere..."
   Written just below it "I do not".



6. When I asked my girlfriend what she wanted for her birthday.
   She said "Just gimme something with diamonds."
   That's why I got her a pack of cards.


7. Q: What did the painter say to the wall?
   A: One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!



8. Q: What kind of key opens a banana?
   A monkey!



9. "Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud." "Yes sir, it's fresh ground."



10. Q: Why is Basketball such a messy sport?
    A: Because you dribble on the floor!
    
    
    
    For More Short Jokes

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Today's "Blonde" Joke 6

Blonde and Fireman joke

Grieving Blonde.

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.

Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'

The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.'

The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax and rest.'

'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.'

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. 'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.

'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!'

Please note that this posting is no way meant to degrade or insult anyone!Its only intention is to make you laugh!

Classic Blonde Joke 1
Classic Blonde Joke 2
More Blonde Jokes 3
More Blonde Jokes 4
More Blonde Jokes 5

Today's Joke - Let Go For A Beer!

Just thought I share a joke or two that I heard or came across recently! Hope you find them funny!~~Today's Joke ~~
Three elderly gentleman are out walking.

First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'

Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'

Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'

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Let's Go For A Beer

Today's Joke-Be Careful

Just thought I share a joke or two that I heard or came across recently! Hope you find them funny!~~Today's Joke ~~
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'

Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'

The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur and be careful.'


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Today's Joke- Good In Bed

My Bed


Just thought I share a joke or two that I heard or came across recently! Hope you find them funny!~~Today's Joke ~~
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'



Special Relationship

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Today's Joke- Where's My Toast

Just thought I share a joke or two that I heard or came across recently! Hope you find them funny!~~Today's Joke ~~
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.

During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.

'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'

'Sure.'

Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.

'No, I can remember it.'

'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'

He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'

'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.

Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.

'Where's my toast ?'

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Shared on Namepros.com

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More Jokes And One Liners

1. Money is called "cold cash" because it is never in your pocket long enough to get warm.
2. Is it true that cannibals don`t eat clowns because they taste funny?
3. Which Se*x*ual Position Produces the Ugliest Children?
4. Does the little mermaid wear an algaebra?

Dear Algebra

Feeling The Pain

Feeling The Pain
Loving someone who doesn't love you
back, brings real pain, and I am feeling that pain now!

Sometime to get over a emotional hurt, you just need a good laugh, so on that note, just thought I share a joke or two that I heard or came across recently! Hope you find them funny!~~Today's Joke ~~
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Brian, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'

Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'

'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'

'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'



Feeling The Hurt

420 Gangsta

Today's Joke-Hearing Aid

When a relationship ends, it doesn't meant that two people stop loving each other. Because maybe, they just wanna stop hurting each other.

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Just thought I share a joke or two that I heard or came across recently! Hope you find them funny!~~Today's Joke ~~
A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'

'Really,' answered the neighbor.

'What kind is it?'

'Twelve thirty.'

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Five top postings to check out!

1. Top Products Review
2. Do fish cramp after eating
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4. Cool GIFs
5. IF you`re cross-eyed and have dyslexia

Today's Joke-Crushed Nuts!

Just thought I share a joke or two that I heard or came across recently! Hope you find them funny!~~Joke 1~~A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.

After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "Arthritis."


Old Man Joke

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Updated by BrianMc