Husband Texts Wife
- A bus load of tortoises crashed into a train load of terrapins. What a turtle disaster.
- I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
- A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"
- A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
- Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says "Get out! We don't want your type in here"
- A seal walks into a club...
- Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An Impasta (Imposter)
- I was walking down the street with my wife when she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her.
"That's not true" I texted her back from across the street!
- A three legged dog walks in the bar and says, "I'm lookin' for the guy who shot my paw"
- There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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